yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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