My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize