this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
