Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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