Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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