the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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