Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
