Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You may now shotgun with the bride
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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