Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
