New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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