ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
