Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
