why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Alive.
So much puke
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
