i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize