He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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