Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
