all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
