If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
