i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
