is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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