that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
