im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
