I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
