I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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