we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
