I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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