something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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