OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
