Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
