onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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