So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
