do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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