he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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