There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
