I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
