Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
