White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
