she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was CRYING into my vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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