I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
