somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
