i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
