She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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