I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
