I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
