We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I want to have your abortion
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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