you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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