If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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