youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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