people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize