she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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