shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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