Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
