Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize