we're blogging at a bar
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
