I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
