We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
