She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
