he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
