why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
