After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
