don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
