Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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