Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize