If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
