I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
