Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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