I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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