I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
