I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
