Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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