if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
