I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
