i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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