i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
